Amateur Wine Reviews Volume 5: Lusitano

"Volume 5," you say? "What happened to the incredibly exciting volumes three and four?" Well, my poor hypothetical and in all likelihood non-existent reader, I didn't bother writing 3 and 4 because they were about white wine so, lets forget that. They tasted - I guess - white winy? Satisfactory!
But this one! This is a wine to excite. This is a wine to thrill - this is the wine of a horse named... lusitano.
For anything in this review to make sense, I need to reproduce, unabridged and the entire thing firmly (sic), the blurb from the back of the bottle.

This wine will remember you some Lusitano horse breed characteristics, of nobel temper, fervent but generous, docile and sufferer, of elevated taste and agile pacing, but smooth and of great comfort for the horseman. Taste it.

That's right! You've heard of Japlish, and possibly Spanglish, and of course Moldovlish; now you know Portuglish. Oh yeah, this wine is from Portugal. It is actually quite good. It's a little bit sweeter than I like - perhaps its Nobel temper makes it explode with flavour a bit too much? It has a fervent, yet generous, little bit of cinnamony taste? It's nice, quite smooth, and went well with both garlic and buffalo mozzarella, respectively in the manner of docile and suffer. So it meets all of my requirements.
However.
I would like to point out - I am not a horseman. I have seen horses. I have ridden a horse. It was a harrowing experience, one that scars me to this day and makes me twitch in fear at the sight of hay or swarms of flies around giant mammals. And as such, this wine failed to provide me with any great comfort. I have mixed feelings about this - obviously, I am not the target audience for this wine. I just feel that from a marketing standpoint, the horseman is not what I would consider a growing demographic. Also, checking on wikipedia, I see that among the features of the Lusitano horse that this wine failed to emulate were sloped croups; nor is it of the baroque type.
Therefore, I must reluctantly say that as a wine, this is a great success; but as an emulation of the Lusitano breed of horses, it is at best mixed in results.
Result:
For the wine: Taste it.
For the horse emulation: everything but the withers.

[Note: Another editor, who will remain nameless, recommended that I include the world "eqwine." Her puns will be disallowed from here on out - ed]

land of plenty

spring!

it's warm.
that means one thing: farmer's market time.
here's some good old bright-green-first-vegetables-of-spring food porn.